Have you ever looked back at some of your past experiences and thought to yourself, who the hell was I back then? LOL thank God for personal growth and development because I’ve definetly had some not so fine moments. Enough about me, this weeks blog post is inspired by some good old eavesdropping.
I was walking to the student union at my university, when I overheard a group of girls talking about something that caught my attention.
One of the girls was talking about what she had got up to the night before, it sounded juicy so I continued to walk slowly behind them, lol it wasn’t like I had somewhere to be 🤦🏽♀️.
She had met up with a guy for drinks purely out of boredom, she didn’t really like him but because he seemed nice she didn’t want to be rude and decline his invite. Fast forward through other pointless details, after the drinks he invited her to his place and they ended up sleeping together. Woah that excalated quickly right?🤷🏽♀️
What caught my attention was not the fact that she had slept with a guy that she clamed to have zero interest in, I means that’s not great but the way she spoke about the encounter worried me.
When telling the story, she repeatedly told her friends she didn’t want anything to happen, she didn’t like him that way and has since regretted deciding to meet up with him. Out of concern one of her friends asked her if she had told him “no!” at any point that night to which she responded: “no, I knew I didn’t want to do it but I dunno why I let it happen.”
What she had said got me thinking about situations I had found myself in the past, where I had known better but had ignored my instincts. Whilst my experiences were not the same as hers I connected with her conflict of knowing what she didn’t want but behaving in an opposite way.
I often say to my close friends that my first year at university feels like a complete blur. It’s almost as if I wasn’t there, this is perhaps because I had no mental connection with a lot of the things that had happened. To be honest, I was litterally gone with the wind/ stupidly agreeable.
Some people like to label stupidity as part of the University experience but I don’t believe it should be. I don’t know why it is sold to students that anything crazy done in a university environment is acceptable purly because you are a student and you’re ment to be “reckless” anyway that’s a topic for another blog post.
I believe a lot of times we are guilty of passively giving others control over our lives. It is as if we watch preventable things happen and once the inevitable occurs, we all of a sudden wake up to reality and attempt to hit rewind. Obvisiosly by then it’s too late and we are left to pick up the pieces. At some point we need to learn to break this vicious cycle, I say “we” presumtiously but I truly believe a lot of people struggle with this.If you don’t please share your tips on how to avoid this in the comments box below.
In advising people on how to do better it is easy to be frank and spit facts. I could simply say to that girl who found herself having sex with a guy she didn’t like that “you need to speak up when you feel uncomfortable because the consequences of staying mute are far greater than that of acknowledging the truth.” Whilst this is true, from experience I know she probably already knew this so that advice would not necessarliy help.
In my experience, I have found that setting clear and memorable cues for yourself is necessary in braking the habit of unconscious living. You have to wake yourself up and ask yourself questions before making decisions.
I tend go through a series of WHYs and self analysis when i am unsure of a decision. It doesn’t matter how trivial the decision is, if I am not able to justify my reason for doing something or establish my feelings about a certain action, I try to avoid it. Whilst this seems pretty straight forward, it isn’t because we have been program to go with the flow and not to question things therefore; it is easier to allow things to just happen to us instead of taking charge of the situatution.
I won’t pretend that I’ve mastered the art of doing as I feel /say but I have made significant progress since deciding to be intentional about my decision making.
As always the journey continues 💋